If You Never Say It
by samuraiheart
Summary: *shounen-ai* T/Y Touya likes Yukito and Yukito likes Touya, but will they ever tell each other? Starts a little angsty, but ends up funny & sappy CHAPTER 2 ADDED
1. Chapter One

Title: If You Never Say It  
Author: samuraiheart  
Email: kokoro_no_samurai@yahoo.com  
Pairing: Touya x Yukito  
Category: Romance, Angst  
Warning: Shounen-ai, m/m  
Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me.  
  
It had been nearly a month since Touya had given his magic up so that Yukito and Yue could continue to exist, but Touya still couldn't quite get used to the weariness he felt sometimes. It always seemed to sneak up on him at the most inopportune moments and no amount of sleep or relaxation could drive it away when it decided to take its toll.  
  
Today was not turning out to be a very good day and Touya was not happy. He had hoped that he might finally be able to tell Yukito how much he loved him today. He had hoped that he might finally be able to bring himself to say the words that he had been keeping back for so long. However, it seemed that fate had other plans. Sleep called out to him like the soft whisper of the breeze across the trees.  
  
Touya glanced at the clock once more as his teacher droned on about binomial equations and derivatives. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes open and he was having trouble concentrating on his notes. He looked down at his spiral notebook and grimaced at the equations that he had written down. They hardly made any sense and faded into unintelligible lines near the bottom of the page. He sighed softly and shook his head. He would have to get the notes from Yukito later on.   
  
Touya rested his head on his hands and stared up at the blackboard trying to feign interest in the problem. His mind drifted to thoughts of Yukito as it often did. His eyes closed and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.  
  
Touya started at the gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder and looked up blearily at the young man standing beside him. Yukito looked down at him with a gentle smile etched with concern. "To-ya, class is over." There was a hint of amusement in his eyes that danced behind his gaze and made Touya smile as he stretched his arms above him and glanced around at the empty classroom. He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment at the thought of everyone else filing out of the room at the end of the lecture and Yukito staying behind to wake him up even after the teacher had left.  
  
"Thanks, Yuki." Touya said softly as he gathered his things and stuffed them into his backpack.  
  
"Did you really think I would leave you here, To-ya?"  
  
Touya stared back at his friend not quite sure what to say until Yukito's expression broke into a wide grin.  
  
The two friends walked out of the building and headed towards home. Touya concentrated on each step afraid that if he let his mind wander again he might fall asleep once more. His grip on consciousness was delicate as it was and he didn't want to put himself or Yukito in any danger or inconvenience by allowing himself to succumb to his weariness.  
  
Touya kept his eyes open by sheer force of will. Yukito glanced at him with concern every now and then but a steady silence had fallen over the pair and Yukito hated to break it.  
  
"It's such a lovely day..." Yukito said nervously.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
"Do you, ummm... want to stop in the park?"  
  
Touya shot him a questioning look.  
  
"We could go over the notes from Calculus." Yukito smiled sheepishly.  
  
Touya sighed and finally gave in. "Okay."  
  
They found an empty bench and brought out their textbooks to begin studying.  
  
Touya wasn't sure if it was the cool autumn breeze wafting across his face and blowing autumn leaves all around them or the warmth of Yukito's shoulder so close to his, but he was finding it difficult to concentrate as Yukito went over the last few math problems from class. Somewhere between the equations he felt his head fall onto Yukito's shoulder and he drifted off into a dream world swimming with numbers and the sound of Yukito's voice.  
  
Yukito tensed slightly at the feel of Touya's head on his shoulder, but he gradually relaxed as he listened to the sound of Touya's slow and even breathing. Yukito stared down at the other young man longingly examining his features with a thoroughness that he couldn't afford to show when the other was awake to notice such things. He brought one hand up to brush the bangs away from Touya's forehead, but stopped just inches away from his face and held his hand hesitantly there for a few seconds before letting it drop back into his lap. He couldn't bring himself to do it even when Touya was asleep.  
  
Yukito let out a soft sigh that blew his own feathery bangs briefly away from his face and returned his attention to the book before him. At least he could get some studying done while Touya slept.  
  
Yukito knew that Touya didn't want him to feel guilty about the power transfer, but sometimes he couldn't ignore the gnawing sense of anxiety he felt at the sight of dark circles under his friend's eyes or on days like this when Touya just couldn't seem to stay awake no matter how hard he tried. Days like these were far less frequent now than they had been at first, but they bothered Yukito nonetheless and he still couldn't help but wonder if things would have been better if Touya had just allowed him to disappear.  
  
Sakura had once told him that she was sure Touya loved him just as much as he did, but neither of them had ever had the courage to say the words and Yukito was becoming increasingly uncertain that the love he saw in Touya's eyes every now and then was the same kind of romantic love he felt for the dark-haired young man. He knew that he should tell Touya how he felt, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was so afraid of shattering the friendship that he cherished so much, but until he said the words, he would never know for sure one way or the other.  
  
The bright light of the afternoon sun faded into a glowing orange and pink as the sun sank closer and closer to the horizon. It was nearly time for dinner and they both needed to get home before the cool breezes of the moment turned into the icy chill of evening.  
  
Yukito bent closer to his friend and shook him slightly trying to wake him for the second time that day. "To-ya, come on, To-ya, wake up."  
  
And for the second time that day, Touya opened his eyes reluctantly to find his friend staring back at him with an expression somewhere between concern and amusement. Touya lifted his head off of Yukito's shoulder and found himself trying to hide the blush that graced his cheeks as he thought of the close contact they had shared while he was sleeping. He frowned at the sight of the sun already half way beneath the horizon and a few faint stars twinkling across the darker part of the sky.  
  
The two young men made their way back to Touya's house slowly. Touya stumbled once or twice, but waved off any attempt by Yukito to help him. He tried to assure his friend with a gentle smile, but Yukito's gaze still held a hint of worry as they stopped at the walkway in front of the Kinomoto residence.  
  
"Uh, Yuki, would you like to stay for dinner?" Touya asked hesitantly. He knew how much Yukito enjoyed spending time with his family and he felt guilty for all of the trouble he had caused Yukito already that day.  
  
"I don't know, To-ya. You should get some rest." Yukito's eyes shimmered with concern in the moonlight.  
  
Touya frowned at that, but couldn't find the strength to argue with the sentiment. He was tired and Yukito was right no matter how much Touya wished to deny it. He was disappointed, but he supposed his grand revelation would have to wait for a day when he could at least form a coherent thought without fighting against the nagging need to close his eyes for just a few moments.  
  
Touya opened the door to an empty house. His father was working late again and Sakura was spending the night at Tomoyo's house this evening.  
  
Once inside, Touya trudged up the stairs and slowly made his way to his room. He flopped down on the bed gracelessly and let his mind wander to the expression on Yukito's face just before they had said goodbye to one another. He didn't look sad exactly, but he didn't seem happy either. Touya frowned at that. He wanted more than anything to make Yukito happy. He wanted to see his friend's eyes light up and see a genuine smile grace his lips. He wished he could be sure that his confession of love would evoke such a reaction, but he really had no idea what to expect. Happiness would be a glorious reward, but there was also so much potential for rejection. Yukito might look at him in disgust and run away. He might laugh at Touya's words and brush them aside without a second thought. Touya could lose so much with just one simple sentence. It was a risk he was not yet willing to take. He hoped that one day he would find the courage to let Yukito know his true feelings, but for now they would both have to wait.   
  
TBC  
  
Author's Notes: Hello! Thanks for reading! I'm still not really sure if I like this, but I decided to go ahead and post it anyway. I just finished watching the end of Card Captor Sakura again and I wanted to write something romantic and fluffy about Touya and Yukito. Unfortunately, this didn't turn out all that fluffy. It's not really supposed to be angsty either, it's just unresolved. I'll try to fix that in the next chapter ^_^ I should get that out by the end of the weekend. If not, it will have to wait until after exams (two weeks). Reviews are very much appreciated! 


	2. Chapter Two: Of Cream Puffs & Confession...

Yay! I finished the second chapter sooner than expected!  
  
Oh yeah, by the way, I forgot to mention that the previous chapter was inspired by the gorgeous art book picture of Touya asleep next to Yuki on a bench with autumn leaves swirling all around them. ^_^  
  
I don't know where this chapter came from exactly. It's a little more humorous than the last one...  
  
See previous chapter for disclaimers, warnings, etc. Enjoy!  
  
If You Never Say It - Chapter 2: Of Cream Puffs and Confessions  
by samuraiheart  
  
Touya hurried down the stairs and out the front door on his way to work at his part-time job. It was Sunday and it was still early. His father and sister were probably still asleep, but Touya had volunteered to take the early shift at the bakery so that he could have the rest of the day off.  
  
He smiled to himself at the sound of birds chirping in the trees as he pedaled his bike down the street. He paused at the intersection and stared off in the direction of Yukito's house. He wanted to stop by and say hello to his friend, but he only had a few more minutes to make it to the shop before his manager would be expecting him.  
  
Touya frowned and decided that he would have to pay Yukito a visit after work. Maybe he could bring some of the cream puffs that Yukito enjoyed so much and they could spend the afternoon together. Touya nodded at the thought and pressed on towards work.  
  
--------------------  
  
Yukito stretched his arms lazily over his head and turned over in bed to face the alarm clock. He peered up at it squinting to read the numbers without his glasses on. It was still early and he had no intentions of getting out of bed for several more hours if that was at all possible. Yukito pulled his covers up over his shoulders and burrowed himself deeper into the pile of pillows at the head of his bed.  
  
He closed his eyes and thought back to the evening before. He had spent most of yesterday making sure that Touya didn't fall asleep in front of a moving car or trip on his way home and hurt himself. Yukito sighed at that. They certainly had an interesting relationship. He couldn't think of any other person he would rather have fall asleep next to him on a park bench.  
  
Yukito opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Nervousness washed over him and he felt butterflies starting to form in his stomach. His thoughts had sounded remarkably like the opening lines of a love confession. //Ne, To-ya-kun, I like sleeping next to you in the park, how about we try it in my bed next time? Oh and by the way I love you.//  
  
Yukito felt himself blush bright red at that thought and decided that he had had enough sleep for the day if he was letting his mind wander to that type of thinking.  
  
Yukito sat up reluctantly and slipped his glasses onto his face. The world came into focus and he found himself struggling with one question that had plagued him since he had first discovered his feelings for Touya. //What's stopping you? Why not tell him?//  
  
Previously, Yukito had always been able to come up with an immediate answer to such a question. It's too soon, I'm scared of what he will say, I'm too tired, he's too tired or something like that. Today, on the other hand, Yukito couldn't find a reasonable answer to such a question. All of those responses seem to pale in comparison to the answer to another question. What if he loves me too?  
  
Yukito felt his heart beating quickly in his chest at the very thought. His eyes widened at the possibilities. He wanted to call someone and let them know of his decision. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops or call the prime minister and have this day declared a national holiday. Today was the day he would tell him. Today was the day that would change the rest of his life. Today was the most important day that he had ever experienced.  
  
The weight of such a magnificent occasion was nothing in comparison to the lightness Yukito felt at finally being able to say those simple words to the friend who had always been there for him.  
  
By the time Yukito got out of bed and finished getting dressed and ready for the rest of the day, he had come up with what he considered to be a perfect plan to tell Touya about his feelings. He ate a quick breakfast and rushed over to the phone to invite Touya over for lunch.  
  
Yukito dialed Touya's number and waited eagerly for someone to answer the phone.  
  
"Hello? Kinomoto residence."  
  
"Hello, Sakura-chan."  
  
"Yukito-san!"  
  
"Is your brother home?"  
  
"Nope. He's at work at the bakery. He should be back soon though I think."  
  
Yukito frowned at that. His plan wasn't working out exactly how he would have liked it. "Alright then. Thanks!"  
  
"Your welcome. Bye!"  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
Yukito set the receiver back down on the base of the phone and sat down on the chair nearby. He decided to try the bakery next. At least he could ask Touya to stop by on his way home.  
  
Yukito dialed the number quickly having memorized it long ago on account of the fact that they had such delicious pastries and sweets. He was always anxious to find out what delectable desserts they had on special on any particular day.  
  
"Hello. Tomoeda Bakery. How may I help you?"  
  
"Hello. Is Kinomoto Touya there?"  
  
"Kinomoto-san? No, he just left a few minutes ago. Sorry."  
  
"That's alright. Thanks."  
  
Yukito hung up the phone in disappointment again. Things certainly weren't looking good. Touya was probably on his way home and Yukito hated to disturb the Kinomoto residence once again with another phone call. He shrugged his shoulders and decided to give Touya another call after lunch. Maybe they could arrange something later this evening. He only hoped his confidence would last that long.  
  
-------------------  
  
Touya clutched the small bag of cream puffs close to the handlebars as he rode his bike on the way to Yukito's house. He wanted to apologize for all of the trouble he had caused yesterday and assure Yukito that everything was all right.  
  
He turned one last corner before Yukito's house came into view. Touya smiled at the sight of it and climbed off his bike to make his way towards Yukito's front door. He knocked softly and waited.  
  
Yukito's eyes widened at the sound of someone at the door. Who would be visiting him now? His heart skipped a beat at the sight of Touya standing in front of him when he swung the door open. He blinked at the other young man and found that he couldn't even find the words for a simple greeting.  
  
Touya tilted his head slightly in confusion and frowned at the expression on his friend's face. It was a mix between nervousness and fear and Touya had no idea what to make of it. Yukito's wide brown eyes stared up at him and his lips fought to form words, but they couldn't seem to make it past his throat.  
  
"Yuki, are you okay?" Touya stepped forward into his friend's house and lifted one hand to press against Yukito's forehead. He didn't seem to have a fever or anything, but Touya wasn't certain.  
  
Yukito stuttered again and felt a warm blush grace his cheeks as he stepped back and let Touya into the house. He closed the door behind him and they walked towards the kitchen as Yukito tried to regain the calm and assertiveness he had had earlier that morning. It seemed to have flitted away at the site of the actual Touya before him. This wasn't just a simple plan anymore. Now he was faced with the prospect of confessing his feelings to a real live human being and it scared him more than he had imagined it would.  
  
"I'm fine, To-ya. Sorry about that. I just wasn't expecting you."  
  
Touya nodded in acceptance of the explanation and held out the small white bag of pastries. "Here, Yuki. These are for you." Touya looked down at the floor as Yukito took the bag from his hands and opened it.  
  
"Cream puffs! Thank you so much, To-ya!" Yukito smiled at the gesture and set the bag on the counter beside him. He felt his stomach lurch at the thought of what he had planned to tell Touya today. It didn't seem nearly as easy now as it had that morning. Now that his friend was standing here before him staring at him with vivid blue eyes all of his thoughts seemed to jumble together in his mind and he couldn't figure out exactly where to start.  
  
"Ummm... let's go sit down on the couch." Yukito said quietly gesturing towards the living room.  
  
Touya gave his friend a strange look once again, but decided to follow him as they both sat down. "Aren't you going to eat the cream puffs?"  
  
"I'm not really hungry right now." Yukito answered softly. His gaze fell into his lap where he clasped his hands nervously and shifted slightly against the cushions of the couch.  
  
"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Yuki? I've never seen you turn down sweets before." Touya raised an eyebrow at his friend's strange behavior.  
  
Yukito forced himself to smile and look up at Touya. "Yeah, it's just that I have something that I want to tell you."  
  
Touya blinked back at Yukito not knowing what to think of this news. He nodded and waited expectantly for Yukito to continue.  
  
The light-haired young man stared back at his friend with a blank expression on his face. His hands felt cold against one another and he took a shaky breath. He had no idea where to begin. He tried to think back to his thoughts from this morning.  
  
"Ne, To-ya-kun, about yesterday..."  
  
"Yes?" Touya answered leaning closer to Yukito. He wished he had some idea of what Yukito was trying to tell him. He hated seeing his friend so distraught when he was sure there was no reason for him to be, but Touya didn't know what to do. Instead he just sat there waiting for Yukito's ramblings to make some sort of sense.  
  
"I liked sleeping with you." Yukito said quickly. The words just kind of fell out of his mouth before he realized what he had said.  
  
Touya's eyes widened and Yukito quickly shook his head in frustration. He held out his hands to assure his friend that that was not exactly what he meant.  
  
"I mean... I..." Yukito bit his lip and tried to call himself before he continued.  
  
Touya was trying to sit perfectly still. He felt just as flustered as Yukito now, but he was trying very hard not to show it. If Yukito was trying to say what Touya thought he was trying to say then Touya knew he would not be able to contain his happiness, but he was still unsure of what Yukito was talking about. He didn't want to risk embarrassment and rejection by assuming something that had yet to be proven by Yukito's words.  
  
"To-ya." Yukito began again. This time he reached out hesitantly to take one of Touya's hands in his own. Touya found himself breathing quickly in anticipation.  
  
"I like you very much, To-ya. As more than a friend. I-I love you To-ya." Yukito barely had time to register the expression on Touya's face before he felt Touya's soft lips on his own and he was swept up in a kiss. The kiss was brief and gentle, but carried with it so much love and passion that neither wanted to pull away. Warm mouths moved across each other exploring new sensations and feelings that they had yet to find names for.  
  
When Touya finally pulled away, his own heart was beating quickly in his chest and he felt a great sense of relief wash over him as Yukito's eyes stared back at him in amazement and wonder, but mostly love. Yukito smiled brightly at the young man before him his lips trembling slightly with emotion.  
  
Touya leaned forward and enveloped him in a comforting hug. He brought one hand up to run through Yukito's soft gray hair and bent his head closer to Yukito's ear to say the words that he knew that they had both been waiting too long to hear.  
  
"I love you too, Yuki. I've waited so long to hear you say that."  
  
Touya held Yukito close to him for a few more moments cherishing the feeling of his beloved pressed against him as they both fought to regain some semblance of calm. Nervousness melted away into joy as Yukito pulled away from Touya and stared up into his friend's face. Blue eyes gazed back at him with love and acceptance and Yukito felt his heart fill with the same feelings.  
  
"Does this change anything To-ya?" Yukito asked uncertainly.  
  
Touya smiled. "I've always loved you, Yuki. That will never change."  
  
"I'm glad." A dazzling smile flitted across Yukito's features.  
  
"Well, some things will change I guess, but you already said you like sleeping with me so that shouldn't be a problem." Touya winked and his eyes danced with amusement. Yukito blushed at the comment, but laced his fingers together with Touya's and leaned closer to him once more for another kiss. He decided the cream puffs could wait.  
  
~Owari~  
  
Yes, it's sappy, but I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it ^_^ Reviews welcomed! 


End file.
